Do You Really Love Me
In our relationships we are constantly insecure about the other's love. The reasons for these nagging doubts don't have anything to do with the other.
Needs are there. People feel lonely; they need somebody to fill their loneliness. They call it love. They show love because that is the only way to hook the other. The other also calls it love because that is the only way to hook you. But who knows whether there is love or not? In fact, love is just a game.
Nietzsche used to say that man cannot live without lies. He cannot live with truth; truth will be too much to tolerate. You need lies. Lies, in a subtle way, are lubricants. You see a woman, you say, "How beautiful! I have never come across such a beautiful person." These are just lubricating lies. You know you have said the same thing to other women before, and you will say the same thing to other women in the future. And the woman says that you are the only person that has ever attracted her.
Behind these lies there is nothing but need. You want the woman to fill your inner hole; you want to stuff that inner emptiness with her presence. She also wants. You both are trying to use each other. That's why so-called lovers are always in conflict - because nobody wants to be used. When you use a person you reduce him to a commodity.
After making love to a man every woman feels a little sad, deceived, cheated, because the man turns over and goes to sleep - finished is finished!
Many women have told me that they cry and weep because his interest was only for a particular need; then he turns over and goes to sleep. He is not even bothered about what has happened to the woman. And men also feel cheated. They start suspecting that the woman loves them for something else: for money, power, security. The interest may be economical, but it is not love.
The way you are living - almost asleep, moving in a stupor, somnambulistic - this is the only way it is possible. But don't be worried about whether the woman really loves you or not. While you are asleep you will need somebody's love - even if it is false, you will need it. Enjoy it! Don't create anxiety. Try to become more and more awake. One day when you are really awake you will be able to love.
Right now you want to use others. When you are really blissful on your own, you don't want to use anybody. You simply want to share. And you will feel thankful that somebody was ready to receive. Finished! That is the full point.
You are not certain about your worth. You cannot believe that somebody can really love you. It seems unreal, impossible. People hate themselves. People go on condemning themselves; they go on thinking that they are rotten. How can the other love you? No, nobody can love you really. The other must be befooling, cheating; there must be some other reason. She must be after something else; he must be after something else.
There is no way to be certain about the other; first be certain about yourself. A person who is certain about himself is certain about the whole world.
If somebody loves you, you accept it because you love yourself. You are happy with yourself; somebody else is happy - good. You simply enjoy yourself; somebody else also finds you enjoyable - good. While it lasts, live the fiction as beautifully as possible - it will not last forever. That too creates a problem.
When a love is finished, you start thinking it was false - that's why it has come to an end. You killed it. It was there - you murdered it. You needed love, but you were not capable of it.
As I see it, every love has a ray of light in it in the beginning, but the lovers destroy it. They jump on that ray of light with all their inner darknesses, and they destroy it. When it is destroyed they think it was false. It was not false; they are false. The ray was real, true.
So don't be worried about the other; don't be worried whether the love is real or not. While it is there, enjoy it. Even if it is a dream, good to dream about it. And become more alert and aware, so sleep is dropped. When you are aware, a totally different kind of love will arise in your heart which is absolutely true, which is part of eternity. But that is not a need - it is a luxury.
Excerpted from A Sudden Clash of Thunder, Osho
While you are asleep you will need somebody's love - even if it is false. You will need it. Enjoy it! Don't create anxiety. And try to become more and more awake.
SOUVISEJÍCÍ TISKOVÉ ZPRÁVY A ČLÁNKY
Zveřejněno 02.06.2004 v 17:26 hodin